Jealousy, Fan Fiction
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Jealousy
by
goldenmeadow
One boy. One vampire. One girl. Awkward. Learning. Leaning. Loving. A blossoming. A
bartering. A trade-off. 'Are we really allowed this' A new dimension. A love fought for.
M. AU. Edward & Bella.
An outcast, a loner. I was sixteen years old with no friends to speak of. An invisible boy.
The privileged son of the do-gooder Masen forbears who had governed the populace
since Forks founding with our charitable trusts and our philanthropic works.
I scorned the banality of high school happenings, preferring to bury my head in books
of history, philosophy, architectureڣbasically anything that would lift me out of this
suffocating, sucking, claustrophobic existence.
The very idea of parties with the jocks, the hicks, the druggies, the in-crowd, made me
sneer. I favored my piano to my peers, my music and my solitude to the peasantry.
Quite simply, I was a freak.
My appearance didn't help. Wan with a bronze head of devilishly untamed hair, tall,
lanky, with green eyes piercing and only a bit muted behind glasses, there was no
mistaking me.
Though I ignored them, I still heard the silly giggles of juvenile girls mooning over my
supposed broody good looks, and alternately questioning my sexuality when I turned a
baleful, glowering eye to them.
It went without saying that I'd be matriculating from my father's alma mater,
Dartmouth, and I couldn't fucking wait to get out of the dead-end hell hole of Forks.
A scant change, the moving in of a large family, took my insular world and turned it ass
over tits. They were weirder than me!
If I fit about as well as a square peg in a round hole, this odd unit of Cullen-Hales was
the stuff small town nightmares were made of.
Glomming onto them when they enrolled during my junior year, a misfit human boy
seeking camaraderie amongst a coven of vampires who were masquerading astypical
teens
,
I approached the four new students.
They didn't shun me.
I probably should have been thankful, in retrospect, that they didn't hunt me either.
There was Alice. The younger sister none of us ever had. Except, of course, she was far
fucking older than I, I learned eventually. Sprightly, tiny, strong as houses and giddy
near all the time, Alice filled the world with laughter with each traipsing step.
Emmett wasڣ
Emmett
? Possibly everything I had ever hated about every single varsity
athlete I'd come across. Supernaturally strong, steadfastly funny and jovial, he just
didn't care. All the world was a stage, and he was but a giant jester!
Rosalie was stunning. Absolutely hard and glassy and glorious in her vampire-made
body, sharp of tongue, knifelike of teeth, she killed with pure driven hunger.
Protective, a keeper, she was a hard-boiled mother hen and Esme's second-in-
command.
Esme,
Esme
. So golden of heart. So filled with love she eclipsed the atmosphere with a
durable hug, sometimes a bit too hard to my flesh made delicate in their embraces.
Esme created this family and made their manse a secure home.
Carlisle was their father. A learned man, graceful and elegant with a small side smile
hinting at the tease of humor he mostly contained inside, he governed through mighty
and impressive deeds with soft gentle words.
Walking tall.
A tender-hearted sire to his
children.
It was Jasper who called to me most. A fallen angel, he was cherubic and cherished and
shorn and shunned. Through hours in his presence, I learned of his past, a detestable
history spilling with killing and maiming that seemed so conflicting with his placid
nature.
And yet, occasionally, he was rough, riled, at odds with what he'd become. Only a few
times in my life was I astounded by the violence that volleyed just beneath the still-lake
surface of his hard-won passivity. A hunter of animals instead of people. Most troubled
of them all, Jasper and I understood each other.
I didn't know immediately what they were, though they never really hid their true
nature from me.
It was the natural order of things, a very weirdly easy circumstance that found me
walking down the long light-bearing oak alley to their house, sidetracked by a rare
birdsong into the forest
.
I came across Jasper tearing into a young fawn, plundering
claret blood like a man feasting at a trestle table in days of old. Catching sight of me,
the blond man growled.
I stepped back, my hands raised.
Eyes turning from obsidian and beastly to amber and still not one bit human, Jasper
wiped his mouth on his sleeve and grinned like a friend, not a fiend, "Well, Edward, I
guess the cat's out of the bag now."
How could the good --
I scoffed
-- people of Forks not see these teens never changed? A
group of adolescents who should be growing at a rapid rate looked the same day in and
day out for months, a year, and then two years, and no one even batted an eyelash?
I was gladdened by the blind ignorance of the catatonic citizens of the village, for it
meant the Cullen-Hales could stay put. With me.
Thus it was that my best friend, my first friend, was a young vampire whose self-
loathing I rebuffed by joking with him. Lord knew I'd wanted to kill a fair few people in
my own day! I just didn't have the paranormal equipment to do so.
I taught Jasper to lighten up, he allowed me to become his brother.
Those were halcyon days. I knew the love of a family of oddballs such as myself, and
they expected nothing more than I gave freely.
~~ll~~
February of their first year was surreal.
Another new transplant started at Forks High, and this one was entirely human,
completely a girl.
Her initial day made child's play of all Jasper's semi-dormant savage instincts!
In the parking lot, halfway through third period, he raged up and down, spitting,
hissing, cursing, taking three steps toward Mr. Banner's Biology class and two steps in
retreat to his car.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I grabbed his elbows and he thrust me off with little
more than a shiver.
His eyes were a hooded boiling red-black volcano, "
Bella Swan.
"
"Chill the fuck out, man! She's just a girl!" I stood in front of him, his nostrils steaming
like a bull to a matador.
"No, Edward, you don't understand. She's my
cantante
, my singer! FUCK! Her blood is
made for me! I will never know the taste of one such as her again!" Jasper crouched
low to a pounce and strafed from side to side in quick fury, pounding the tarmac.
I was fast, but his was the speed of demons.
With a growl from the beastly depths of his stomach, I saw Jasper as never before. A
primal killing machine bred for the sole purpose of slaughter.
The mutilated carnage of this Bella Swan would be his end.
I bellowed before he reached the double cafeteria doors, "JASPER! STOP! If you kill
her,
you will die.
You
will kill your entire family!
Fucking STOP!
"
With a hand fisting around the chain enclosing the metal doors, he shuddered.
I didn't care about her, I cared about him.
Jasper was my brother.
Approaching the wild animal, I whispered and stretched one hand out to his heaving
shoulder, "Stop,
brother.
You're stronger than this."
Tugging the padlock apart, Jasper stood to his full height and walked almost sedately
through the emptied cafeteria.
He was no longer breathing.
At his heels, I moved along.
I wouldn't be able to stop him.
I didn't need to.
Insanely, inexorably, his fueled need to imbibe her blood turned, on a dime, to the
calamitous want for her heart. An organ that continued beating.
The Cullen clan opened their arms to her. There was enough love to go around, but I
was miserly. They nurtured
her
just as they'd coddled me, and I didn't want to share.
Happening, unhappily, upon her and Jasper locked against each other, heatedly
writhing, I gasped and stumbled away.
I didn't even try to understand the virulent upheaval that knotted my guts seeing them
together, but I let it out on Jasper when he caught up with me, "Jesus Christ! I thought
you wanted to kill her!"
He tore his hands through his gilded curls and spat to the ground, "Fuck, Edward!
Would you rather me murder an innocent than try to love her?"
I shook my head, I nodded my chin; I was all over the place.
"You don't understand, Edward. This," Jasper waved his arm about indicating
something larger than what I could grasp, "Is something I just can't explain." His
bleary blackened eyed worried me.
In pacing toward me, I saw the war of his haggard skin under the inflexible velvetiness
of craving, "I can either spill her blood, or fill her with my loveڣthere are only the two
extremes to this thing, Edward," Jasper clasped my shoulder and we trudged back
down the forest footpath to the house, where she was waiting. I realized life as I'd
known it was over.
Isabella Swan.
I hated her as I'd never hated anyone before. With the full twist of viscera, with the
desire to hiss and spit and kick her.
They were my people! My family!
What right did
she have to purloin Jasper, my brother, my best friend, my mashed up kin?
The Cullen-Hales, Carlisle and Esme included, thought it quite amusing the two
mortals among them couldn't stand to be in the same room together.
Unsure if Isabella's disgust with me was genuine or simply a reaction to the vile
manner in which I treated her, I gave her wide berth.
I suspected Jasper of foul play, using his emotional empathetic abilities to manipulate
her affections, but who was I to blame him? I'd have done the same thing in his shoes,
had I found this interloper Isabelle Swan one bit attractive.
With the perception I was cursed with, I knew the morning after they'd had sex the
first time. Isabella positively glowed with the sensual energy of a woman whose
sexuality had been tapped.
For the first time I saw her as beautiful.
Though I continued to goad her publicly by mockingly calling her
Isabella
, when I
thought of her, with worrying escalating frequency, I referred to her as Bella.
Beautiful.
It felt like I despised Jasper.
Cursed, plagued, crushed, confused, I couldn't look at her, and I no longer felt quiet
simple camaraderie in Jasper's regard.
Her continued presence was pushing Jasper away from me.
Even with disgraceful intent, I couldn't deny her promising charisma.
In light of this, I tried to make it right, to at least befriend Bella Swan.
That was my downfall.
~~ll~~
Finally, we graduated.
With scholarships and my diploma in hand, I was anxious and optimistic. A new life
awaited me.
Learning the coven was moving on as well, to Dartmouth as had been planned long
ago, I was at once horrified, heartened, heady and spiteful.
My feelings were unwieldy.
Fraught with delight to keep them with me, in all our filial companionship, I was
equally daunted by the thought of Bella being so near, still.
She attended Wellesley.
I saw her often.
There was no easement from the push-pull.
Jasper was ever at my side or hers.
The affliction, the disquiet grew. I refused to give it name.
My devotion to my best friend and my burgeoning feeling for his mate -- a woman so
obviously created, born, bred to be his lover and lifelong, perhaps even
everlasting
wife ڑ shrouded me in the garb of devils.
Three years in, Jasper and Bella didn't marry. In lieu they held a small promising
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